The Hope is Still Alive

I'm not the kinds who has an liking for a particular word, but I do have a dislike for one word and that is HOPE. This four letter word makes the world go round and gives people wrong ideas most of the times. I have been a victim too! Remove it from the dictionary, I say! Really really.

So long, I had been hoping for things to happen, stuff to work out and life to move on! Sadly it didn't happen when I wanted them too and I was shattered, to say the least. They say that things take their own course to turn out well, and whatever happens, happens for the best! Oh, really?! I don't think so. I was asked to keep up my spirits and move on! Argghh!!! I tried and have been trying for a long long time. It won't be wrong to say that I'm frustrated too.

Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, and now I'm suddenly in the belief that something good will come out from this phase and I'm 'hoping' that things work out. The flame is alive but burning not so brightly, I guess thats enough. Maybe I should stop expecting a miracle and get ready for some realities of life, but something enough to get life started.

So with that 'hope' I'm going to try once more and not give it up. Give it another chance. Till then, the hope is still alive!

Colour for this chappal: Cream

The Seventeen M (17M)

Chennai is a city of its own kind. Known to be rather conservative and cold, its quite contrary to this belief once you actually stay there. It grows on to you and you tend to share a love-hate relationship with it.

Madras, as its still called, has been a home for me for the past three years and I have loved every bit of it. I started my so called independent life and became a new person there, strong and ready to face the world.

A major contribution was paid by the buses there. The public transport system is the best that I have ever seen. As a first year college student, my life was limited to my college and my hostel and the travelling involved to get there. Thats where the 17M came into being. The sole bus that went to my college, I sort of developed a relationship with it and loved it till the end.

The 17M gave me confidence to travel and look around, to see, observe and learn. It gave me the reason to question and as for. Even though it was a short ride to my college, I got up every morning, ran to the bus stop and pleaded the bus driver to stop for me, which he did many a time and then get to college. It was a rather long walk from both sides, but a fresh one early in the morning. That was the part of the day I loved the most, I was by myself,with myself and loving myself.

The ordinary ticket was Rs 3 and the two years into college, the deluxe buses came into existence and it became Rs 5. That was the price that I paid for that short and sweet ride everyday. Most times, the bus was crowded and full of people , some who were mean, some kind, some ogglers and some simply ignorant. But all these people came from such diverse backgrounds and walks of life, that it amazed me. I even managed to make some bus-stop friends! There were language issues with the conductor initially but once the basics were learnt, it was fine and dandy!

My bus journeys weren't limited to the 17M only, I did my fair share of travelling by all bus routes and I loved it! The bus services connected most parts of the city to where I lived so it was a very easy deal for me. I saw the whole city (and many outskirts too) in my bus journeys. The everyday routine involved atleast one bus journey, and there was no reason to complain.

Life went on and one day I said my goodbye to the 17M. I felt quite bad because I actually saw my life in that one bus ride. Of all the things that I miss, I miss my bus rides the most and I hope to go back someday with the same innocence and enjoy my ride, the ride called Life.

Colour for this chappal: Green

The Mess in Dreams

Life is a mess, and very unfair.

What we want, dream, plan, decide or even expect never ever happens.

The things you want to happen, never do and the things you dream about, always remain a dream.

So is it entirely wrong to dream and believe that something good could ever happen or is it only when you are down in the dumps, you begin to ponder upon the worst thats hit you? Dreams are fine, if you make them a goal and work towards them to make them come true. What happens when you do all that, and they still cheat on you? Makes you want to die right there and then.

Being positive is one thing but being positive and then never getting what you ever want is another. Can't be so optimistic now, can you?Its one of the worst feelings to be counting on your future with just a few strings attached. Its even more painful to see others get what they want, without doing much struggle and you just giving it your heart and soul and never succeed. Are some of us with such ill luck?

Perhaps so, but how long can you curse yourself and the time that you were born in?

Its murky and its dirty but somehow you have to make it through. I'll probably look back at this day someday and say, yes, I made it through. But for something good to happen, this mess has got to get clean. How and when, no one knows.

The wait is killing, sometimes I wish I could just clean up this mess, of confusion and ill luck and make it through to what I wish to do and want to do. Make my dreams all come true and life can be all happy and rosy. But then, maybe we all should stop dreaming and hoping, wishing and expecting.

Or maybe I should just stop dreaming and hoping, wishing and expecting.

Colour for this chappal: Dark Grey

The Friendship Tree

This one's dedicated to all my very close friends, the one I always remember and thank God for. There are old ones and new ones but all are special.

Dee is my all time friend-cum-enemy. I love her, I hate but I cannot live without her. It took me a while to get her to the 'friends' part of life, but she is the one who has supported me ALL along, saved me from a lot of trouble and encouraged me all the time. I love you Dee, you are the only family I can call my friend.

The oldest friend I can remember has to be Tinu. Tenaaz is a life support. We spent half our lives with each other! I have known her since I was 10 and its been a wonderful time spent with her. From haircuts to sarees, to dances, painting under the bed, group study, secret talks, fights and make ups, we've done it all. Her laughter brings a smile to everyone's face and so does her humour. She can take away your pain in a jiffy and make you feel oh-so-good! Ten years and counting, Tinu I'll always cherish you!

Sne, is my mummy. Sneha Singh Banerjee is probably the most mature friend I have ever had. She'll pick me up from where I fall and help me walk again. She has taught me some of life's most important lessons, one of which include to love fearlessly.

Raunaq Rajkhowa . My closest friend. Although we have more than a feet's difference in height, he's the one guy who KNOWS me. Its awesome to have him around, he can drive me mad and then can make me calm. We've written letters and cards, spoken on the phone for hours together but everytime feels like a new time. Thank you Q, you are my pillar of strength and will always be.

Priyanka/Pree/Ramdevi/IITwali, is my genius friend. Took us a while to get along, but once we hit the road of friendship but haven't touched the brakes even once! A living prodigy is what she is, she inspires me, believes in me and takes all my tantrums! The Delhi chronicles of life wouldn't have ever been the same without you. I owe you, lady!

Neha is the Animation Queen and my support through the three years of college. Negaaaa is probably what you call a package full of surprises! She lives like there is no tomorrow and is the closest to perfection. She has an aura around her as also the ability to giggle at the wrong times! We've had some pretty awesome times together, ones we'll never ever forget. I have learnt so much from her and its moments like these that I miss her the most. Thank you Neha, if it wasn't for the Communication Theories project, we wouldn't be where we are today.

Bumni and Sheru, Pallo and Vaish, Ishara, Nam and Prer are my family. The family that I'm ever ready to live with. Hostel wouldn't have been the same without all of you. What wonderful days (and nights) we have all had. Giggly, drunk and some sooper fun! Friends like you, make life worth it. Love you guys, always.

There are so many more friends to make and unmake and who's lives I've to be a part of. I love all my close friends and always will. There is room for new, but never less space for the old! Friendship is what I've learnt and valued from you all.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Colour for the chappal: Yellow!

The Truth at Twenty

Clearly, I'm disappointed. This wasn't what I had expected or what I had planned either. The beginning of my twenty's wasn't supposed to be this way. I had a dream and wanted to live it.

A career that looks hazy or a job that I'm unable to find or a life that I'm not yet living. Its at points like these that you feel so disappointed and let down and have no expectations. Life will take its course and bring you about somewhere or the other no matter how long it takes. Its fine to say but horrible to feel it. Like a Princess who waits for her Price Charming, I wait for a life that I always want. Its nothing great, but its something I've always dream't of. A successful career or a satisfying job, they shouldn't be that difficult to find! But at twenty they certainly don't look easy.

The twenty's seem more difficult that most years (well, I have lived only those many) or perhaps its the beginning of the difficulties. A silver lining is awaited and so is some happiness. But for the moment, the truth at twenty is very hard and painful. There is hope to make it through, somehow someday.

Colour for this chappal: Grey.